Since the stroke I notice that sometimes, especially watching movies I've seen before, that I seem to experience them like it was the first time, like a three year old.
I know a huge part of this is the impact the stroke has had on my emotions.
In the TED talk about the book 1000 Awesome things, Neil, the author comments about three year old kids experiencing things for the first time seeing things for the first time. Having a sense of awareness. My awareness for specific things is not good, like noticing crumbs on the floor. My vision is responsible for this. But my sense of awareness of compassion in the world and lack thereof has been heightened.
Having my awareness askew can also be viewed as getting a "do over". Like in the movie City Slickers they comment about life taking a turn and their case a turn away from some bad things and getting a "do over" like we do when we are kids, or on the golf course getting a mulligan. Having a bad outing and getting to start over again.
The beauty of my situation is that I get the experience from the past together with a fresh slate for the future and although I could be bitter and jaded by the past, I think I view the past as more of a gauge, a point of reference, some things just remind me of how I don't want life to be. Not to say that I never feel biter or jaded because I do, I just know to let it run it's course and not my every moment.
The old saying I wish I knew then what I know now comes to mind. The situation has made now seem like then, but today I retain the knowledge of now...does that make any sense? Even to those of us that have not had brain damage?
In some ways the brain damage along with my choices help me when thinking about things. I choose to exert energy on good things in life and chose to let the negative things run their course but not my life.
