One thing that has come to light during my recovery is the fact that others can not see some disabilities and assume projecting expectations on us is acceptable.
I have always been a high functioning guy with a high pain tolerance. Although I could not walk, see or eat to name a few things I have always tried to avoid representing these things...going from wheelchair to walker to cane to no aids is one example of me trying to present an able bodied guy.
I never wanted sympathy and only want to get better but now I see that I may not receive the same compassion I once did...hence me thinking its time to get the cane back. Its not that I need it but it would be an indication that something is not right and maybe others would not expect more from me than what I demand and hope for from myself.
Its time to own the stroke.
Denying ailments do not make them go away, trying to present a "normal" exterior or go back to a "normal" life does not make things go back to what we remember as "normal". I know I'm not the only one that hopes that things will get back to "normal" and maybe with time and effort it will, it just can't be rushed, especially by trying to submerge back into life as we knew it. Doing so may fool others to think that we are "normal" but that doesn't make us "normal" again. When people ask how I am, I have been conditioned to say "good" or "O.K thanks, how are you?" To avoid lying or misleading others I have begun to state "I've been worse" its the truth more than the old statements and the day that I am back to "normal" is the day I will return to my old statements...if in fact they are true.
I know that the people ignorant of my ailments think I look like I can skate or should work or be actively living my life and GOD knows I would love to feel competent enough to do these things again.
Balance, headaches and right eye functioning are not that apparent to others and a way too apparent to me. I have acquired the ability to adapt or compensate for my shortcomings and I have been told that this is a big part of stroke recovery...I really hope not, I hope full recovery is in fact recovery not a combination of recovery and adaptation, time will tell.
