Balance

Balance continues to be one of my biggest problems along with the functioning of the right eye.
A stroke survivor I met described her initial vision problems as bouncing...I thought that was a pretty accurate description however I will qualify that my right eye drifts...when I'm tired or moving it seems to not want to isolate its focus on what I'm looking at, it drifts in a different direction. In the beginning I could not identify a speck or crumb on the floor. Now I'm getting better with this because my eye seems to stay isolated on the area I'm looking at, except when I'm moving or when I get tired. I notice when I walk or the few times I've attempted jogging I blink a lot trying to reset the focus of the right eye.
I have an appointment with an eye specialist in March and hope that something good comes from it. I suspect it has a big impact on my balance and without that I haven't felt stable enough to skate or get back into the work force.

Keeping an optimistic and determined attitude over the last two years has been one of the biggest challenges of recovery, some of my friends indicate that just going through one of the issues I have been dealing with would be enough for someone to call it quits on life. I have been there many times but ultimately I remind myself of the fact my life will come to an end whether I want it to or not, so I don't need to rush the inevitable.

Right eye & enhanced compassion and pride

My right eye still does not function properly. I can be in a wind tunnel and tears would stream from my left eye but the right eye? Nothing.
Since my stroke I have notice my emotions are hightened especially as related to compassion of others and examples of pride. I meet other less fortunate people or see my kids or others doing something that rings the pride bell in my mind...many times its both, seeing compassionate acts has me feeling compassion and pride in the humanity. That's awesome!
Yesterday I spent time with my kids and fed them dinner. Early in the day my daughter Kylie and I met at her school and travelled by school bus to the local Bulldogs hockey game (elementary school day, over ten thousand screaming kids!). The Bulldogs are the baby team for the NHL's Montreal Canadians. On the weekend Jacob and I went to a Marlies game courtesty of my friends at March of Dimes...the Marlie's are the baby team for the Toronto Maple Leafs of the NHL. It's great being alive and well enough to enjoy time and experiences with my kids.
I coached my son's hockey team last night to yet another loss...my 11th year of coaching minor hockey and having the worst record ever, I don't know if that has anything to do with the fact that I coach practices from the bench because my balance being so bad took away my comfort of skating on ice...a few more years? Yesterday's pregame talk was about effort, some of the players seem to lack it and I never did as a player or in my life, if I did then I would still not be able to walk, swallow or do the things today that I couldn't directly after the stroke. My next pregame talk is about belief, if we don't believe we can do something we never will, if we believe then the possibility exists...again if I believed I would never recover anything then I wouldn't.

Day 2 of blog - Hiccups, sneezing and tongue

To this point I have not really identified that I get hiccups everyday. I can now hold my breath to make them go away. I could not hold my breath for the first few weeks and that's one of the reasons I had the hiccups for the first 13 days after my stroke...my waking moments were always filled with the hiccups.
I could not sneeze for months and when I did sneeze my first time after the stroke, I was at home with my kids. They were watching TV and I was sitting at the computer...I had no force or strength and the scrunch of my face and the pathetic squeak I made had my kids question me what that was? When I identified it was a sneeze and I was OK we laughed together.
My kids were always so concerned about my well being and I could sense their fear that my sneezes or choking fits were experiences that would take me away again.
I had many choking moments in the first few months after the stroke. The swallowing tests I had in the hospital revealed that only half of my larynx worked. It has taken me some considerable time to adapt to this but hey I can swallow and eat now!
Initially I bit my tongue everyday as well, after the stroke when I stuck out my tongue it went directly to the right, it has straightened up as I get better so I don`t bite it as much...but it still happens! Speaking of the tongue, one afternoon I was with my father at his condo complex and he introduced me to a group of elderly people sitting on some benches. He introduced me as his son who had just survived a stroke and to my surprise one of the elderly gentleman asked me the most bizarre request,  "can you stick out your tongue?" so I did and it shot out to the right and his response was "ya you had a stroke alright!" I don't think that they quite believed being as young as I was that I had a stroke even though I was walking with a cane and a gait.
Now I get emails regarding the tongue being another sign of stroke...getting help early can save your abilities as well as your life!

The weighting game

My weight has always maintained itself around 165 pounds.
With the onset of Grave's Disease (hyper thyroid) my weight went down to 145ish. Then after treatment I went back to the original 165 pounds again.
After the stroke in the hospital and not eating for six weeks my weight went down to 145ish again.
A little word of caution, gaining weight is easier than losing it.
After not eating food for six weeks and only half of my throat working I ate slow but I kept eating! Nothing ever tasted so good now after not being able to eat for so long. I had been told I may never eat again so again, I was thankful to taste food now that I could.
Two weeks out of the hospital with my newly acquired ability to eat I went from 145 pounds to 195 pounds!
Now my thyroid started acting up again and I started medication to suppress it again so maybe that had something to do with the weight gain too?
After the stroke and loss of so many abilities my exercise regime was removed as well. Jogging and bike riding had disappeared and a walker had appeared, this too likely had something to do with weight gain. It was now a workout just to drag myself up and down stairs on my ass!
I'm still working on my weight and with the removal of my thyroid and the acquisition of being able to walk and ride my bike again I hope to get back to my fighting weight!!! Right now I'm in the wrong weight division, 200 pounds is not to my advantage, I have to lose some if I want to beat my opponent...stroke ailments.