So when I was 41 I survived a catastrophic brain stem stroke and at the time my daughter was 7 and my son was 12.
About 5 months after the stroke I had graduated from a wheelchair to a walker and at this time I was walking Kylie, my 7 year old girl to school. On this day as she held my hand on the walker she turned to me with her little girl voice and said, "Daddy, I'm sad you had a stroke but I'm happy you walk me to school everyday and you come walk me home, do you remember there were times when I got up to go to school and you already left for work and I came home and went to bed before you came home from work and this happened more than one day in a row?" Was this the legacy I was leaving for my kids? Their dad was a great worker and coach but we didn't spend a lot of time together. No, I hadn't realized that all my time was consumed by other things although I know one of the reasons I coached my kids in hockey, soccer and baseball was to force myself away from my job. I am a committed guy so whether I commit to work, school, family, exercise or whatever I am determined to follow through.
With a good work ethic we must all be careful what we apply ourselves to. Now stroke forced me to apply myself to getting better and spending time with family.
I know its cliche but we can't buy time and now I had some more that I never thought I'd have so now life has become about time and experiences with others.
Its actually hard for me to say because stroke has physically and mentally changed me but I really do live more now than I did before. Even financial challenges haven't stifled my living. My wife Jennifer has a great saying, " live a 5 star life at a 1 star price tag". It is possible with responsible spending, meaning buying things off the clearance rack before you actually need it and things like groupon, buying coupons for discount off things that we would normally pay full price for.
I contend that when we make money we spend it and when we spend so much time making it and using it, we don't always do it wisely. People charge us an extra buck or two and we pay it but now on disability pension I question every dollar, we don't let things slide like I once did when I was working.
Saturday, April 15, 2017
Thursday, April 13, 2017
Active and exercise
Not to long ago I was with another stroke survivor and he asked me if there were any studies of survivors over the 5 year mark?
I knew he and I were around the 9 year post mark and know of a few others who surpassed the 10 year mark and what we all have in common is that we are actively living life despite stroke ailments. Although a few of us have no visible disabilities some of the others have definite disabilities, not being able to speak very well and or use one side of their bodies but they still get out and bus and walk and are actively living.
My wife Jennifer and I have noticed that most survivors carry personalities from their past into post stroke. Like exercising mentalities and motivation. Although when I spoke to my friend I noted that exercise is a huge component to recovery but I made the realization that words like exercise can easily be interpreted as work and can deter people, however, being active my be a quality others might be more inclined to embrace.
All this said with activity or exercise we must all incorporate rest, naps and sleeps. It has been proven that one needs the other for maximum benefit.
I knew he and I were around the 9 year post mark and know of a few others who surpassed the 10 year mark and what we all have in common is that we are actively living life despite stroke ailments. Although a few of us have no visible disabilities some of the others have definite disabilities, not being able to speak very well and or use one side of their bodies but they still get out and bus and walk and are actively living.
My wife Jennifer and I have noticed that most survivors carry personalities from their past into post stroke. Like exercising mentalities and motivation. Although when I spoke to my friend I noted that exercise is a huge component to recovery but I made the realization that words like exercise can easily be interpreted as work and can deter people, however, being active my be a quality others might be more inclined to embrace.
All this said with activity or exercise we must all incorporate rest, naps and sleeps. It has been proven that one needs the other for maximum benefit.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
A little update of the last 6 years
Back in 2010 I formed a peer support group for young stroke survivors, this was shortly after the dissolution of my pre stroke life. After the life I knew, a 23 year job, 17 year marriage, life long friendships and abilities had all disappeared, I searched for the survivors who were struck down and made a come back. I wasn't finding any although I soon came to realize that I might just be the example to others that I was looking for myself and in this process I came to discover no matter how bad I felt there were others much worse off than I, so I became more grateful for my situation.
As life unfolded for me in a little one bedroom apartment that I rented next to my daughters school, I existed. My main agenda for thousands of days was to wake up, shower ( the most dangerous part of my day...with bad balance and no grab bars ), dress and if no rain I would walk, 30 minutes out then turn around and come home sometimes stopping at the local library to borrow movies (500 a year) or the grocery store.
My life had organically pruned down to one friend, Joe. I met him post stroke and he would visit me occasionally, we would speak of our kids and he helped me back into coaching minor hockey, he would become my assistant coach ( the on ice guy, I couldn't skate anymore). He said many enlightening things to me over the years but one in particular stands out "don't just be available but be inclusive" this was directed to my kids however I have come to understand it is HUGE for life after stroke.
I resigned myself to the fact that I would never marry again or be hurt again so I found myself becoming a bit of a recluse. I remember going for days without speaking to another person, not leaving the safe bubble I had created. This was likely needed however what I learned the most was to be O.K. with being alone...not O.K. but good! I finally got to a point where I was thrilled to do me, go to a coffee shop, movie, library, anything really all by myself!
Two months after forming Hamilton Young Stroke Survivors this beautiful woman came to a group meeting, Jennifer Walkes. She became the co-chair within a few months and over the next two years we became colleagues, coffee buddies, walking buddies and stroke advocates. She took over the group on many occasions when I left to take my aging grandmother out to my mother in British Columbia. Although when I first met her she told me she was married and had two girls as well she had a heart attack in her 30's and a stroke in her 40's just like me on all accounts. We never thought of one another as anything other than what we were...until 2 years later when we saw each other in a whole different light at a time when I thought I would have to move into my mother's house due to the circumstances. The main reason I mention all this is to hopefully give hope that relationships post stroke are possible. Jennifer and I both agree that despite our different attitudes toward marriage again neither one of us wanted to push our agenda. We would put our agenda out there and let life unfold. No bar scenes, blind dates, online dating, nothing like that, if it were to happen it would organically within the life we were living and it did, it does, just do you. We got married and share the balance of our strokie (term of endearment we have woven into the fabric of our lives) lives together! We also note that although it might be harder for two survivors to marry on many other levels we wonder if we could ever have had a relationship with a WHOLE brainer (a term we heard used directed toward someone who has not had a stroke.
More update and not light even though I'm not speaking of it much, Jennifer's father just died at the age of 88 and nearly 2 years ago my granny who I chaperoned across Canada numerous times also died...I brought her ashes back to Ontario to rest next to her husband. We celebrated the marriage of Jennifer's eldest daughter Samantha last year and we watch our children grow with an abundance of pride. Ours lives are fuller today than they ever were pre stroke, weird considering we have less money, abilities and mental capabilities then ever before! Life if great!
As life unfolded for me in a little one bedroom apartment that I rented next to my daughters school, I existed. My main agenda for thousands of days was to wake up, shower ( the most dangerous part of my day...with bad balance and no grab bars ), dress and if no rain I would walk, 30 minutes out then turn around and come home sometimes stopping at the local library to borrow movies (500 a year) or the grocery store.
My life had organically pruned down to one friend, Joe. I met him post stroke and he would visit me occasionally, we would speak of our kids and he helped me back into coaching minor hockey, he would become my assistant coach ( the on ice guy, I couldn't skate anymore). He said many enlightening things to me over the years but one in particular stands out "don't just be available but be inclusive" this was directed to my kids however I have come to understand it is HUGE for life after stroke.
I resigned myself to the fact that I would never marry again or be hurt again so I found myself becoming a bit of a recluse. I remember going for days without speaking to another person, not leaving the safe bubble I had created. This was likely needed however what I learned the most was to be O.K. with being alone...not O.K. but good! I finally got to a point where I was thrilled to do me, go to a coffee shop, movie, library, anything really all by myself!
Two months after forming Hamilton Young Stroke Survivors this beautiful woman came to a group meeting, Jennifer Walkes. She became the co-chair within a few months and over the next two years we became colleagues, coffee buddies, walking buddies and stroke advocates. She took over the group on many occasions when I left to take my aging grandmother out to my mother in British Columbia. Although when I first met her she told me she was married and had two girls as well she had a heart attack in her 30's and a stroke in her 40's just like me on all accounts. We never thought of one another as anything other than what we were...until 2 years later when we saw each other in a whole different light at a time when I thought I would have to move into my mother's house due to the circumstances. The main reason I mention all this is to hopefully give hope that relationships post stroke are possible. Jennifer and I both agree that despite our different attitudes toward marriage again neither one of us wanted to push our agenda. We would put our agenda out there and let life unfold. No bar scenes, blind dates, online dating, nothing like that, if it were to happen it would organically within the life we were living and it did, it does, just do you. We got married and share the balance of our strokie (term of endearment we have woven into the fabric of our lives) lives together! We also note that although it might be harder for two survivors to marry on many other levels we wonder if we could ever have had a relationship with a WHOLE brainer (a term we heard used directed toward someone who has not had a stroke.
More update and not light even though I'm not speaking of it much, Jennifer's father just died at the age of 88 and nearly 2 years ago my granny who I chaperoned across Canada numerous times also died...I brought her ashes back to Ontario to rest next to her husband. We celebrated the marriage of Jennifer's eldest daughter Samantha last year and we watch our children grow with an abundance of pride. Ours lives are fuller today than they ever were pre stroke, weird considering we have less money, abilities and mental capabilities then ever before! Life if great!
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
Encouragement
After a long time ( nearly 6 years...2174 days) since my last post many things have happened. Its been 3272 days since the stroke event and 18,377 days since my birth.
Although I know I ended writing do to not wanting to be defined by stroke but the reality is that stroke does define me today.
Since I last wrote I have done many things despite the stroke. My father always said he wants to LIVE until he DIES and I subscribe to this point of view.
I have discovered since surviving that I feel like crap most of the time and this can be very hard to accept however when I get sick or stress or feeling like real crap I notice I gain a better acceptance of just feeling like crap and welcome the state of just feeling like crap.
On another note I have discovered that going back to environments that I was once proficient in happens to be a source of great depression. I am slapped in the face with how afflicted I am today compared to who I was before the stroke. Finding environments that I can offer something to give value actually gives me value and writing and speaking are two such things I have discovered.
Back to encouragement, my current wife ( yes, I got remarried in these past 6 years) and I have been advocates for stroke and do what we can to encourage other survivors and their circles that life can be LIVED again.
My wife and I have many dear friends who constantly encourage us but one in particular actually encouraged me to begin this blog again, Christine. Thank you for your words of encouragement and acknowledging interacting with me as a value to you. I can only every hope to be me, speak me and in doing so influence those around me to have faith and add quality to their own lives. We can not control others but we can just live authentically with hopes it encourages others.
Although I know I ended writing do to not wanting to be defined by stroke but the reality is that stroke does define me today.
Since I last wrote I have done many things despite the stroke. My father always said he wants to LIVE until he DIES and I subscribe to this point of view.
I have discovered since surviving that I feel like crap most of the time and this can be very hard to accept however when I get sick or stress or feeling like real crap I notice I gain a better acceptance of just feeling like crap and welcome the state of just feeling like crap.
On another note I have discovered that going back to environments that I was once proficient in happens to be a source of great depression. I am slapped in the face with how afflicted I am today compared to who I was before the stroke. Finding environments that I can offer something to give value actually gives me value and writing and speaking are two such things I have discovered.
Back to encouragement, my current wife ( yes, I got remarried in these past 6 years) and I have been advocates for stroke and do what we can to encourage other survivors and their circles that life can be LIVED again.
My wife and I have many dear friends who constantly encourage us but one in particular actually encouraged me to begin this blog again, Christine. Thank you for your words of encouragement and acknowledging interacting with me as a value to you. I can only every hope to be me, speak me and in doing so influence those around me to have faith and add quality to their own lives. We can not control others but we can just live authentically with hopes it encourages others.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Hardest things in 3 years
As I approach my third year anniversary of surviving a catastrophic brain stem stroke, I reflect on the hardest things about my journey as it relates to me and other survivors I have spoken with over the years.
You might think the most difficult times were hearing that last rites were offered to be given to you and that you couldn't breathe on your own. No that wasn't the most difficult. Reflecting on your compromised abilities to see and talk. No that wasn't the most difficult. Discovering that you couldn't stand or walk, swallow or eat for six weeks, no that wasn't the most difficult thing. Losing your job, family, friends or financial capabilities? No these weren't the most difficult either.
From my experience and that I hear from others, these things are very difficult but surprisingly enough, not the most difficult.
Being by yourself, doing things for yourself, depression, living in a world without compassionate people that don't understand what it's like in our heads and accepting life the way it is day to day has been revealing itself as most difficult for me and many other survivors I speak with.
Unless you have experienced an acquired brain injury (ABI) you will likely never know. I would not recommend continuing any lifestyle habits that promote ABI.
It would be a wonderful world if survivors had a guide (so to speak, even a dog at a basic level) to aid them day to day, but who can afford that at this stage of life when we can barely afford to support ourselves?
Even the most motivated of us survivors find ourselves in a fog and do things but we are not clear enough or knowledgeable enough to guide ourselves past our gains, this is where a guide could introduce new goals for us.
Maybe my future holds full recovery and I can find a way to guide or bring guidance to other motivated survivors on their journey?
As a survivor, I realize how hard life is day to day and that we don't have the choice to take a break from our stroke...I also realize how hard it is for others to be around us for any duration of time. I do believe that if one can get a break from stroke and the disability it's important to take it, I know we survivors DEFINITELY would!
We need people to understand that we want to quit the stroke, but, we require them to have more patience than us...they can and should take a break but that doesn't mean shutting it off or quitting it and us all together.
Many successful survivors I have met or read about have a common thread, they had someone there for them on a daily basis for years, not days, weeks or months, but years...it takes years for recovery, we didn't just break a bone or something we broke our brain.
I haven't met anyone who has had to do things completely on their own and although not impossible I don't recommend it.
If daily guidance can be obtained, I truly believe that the other things like depression and acceptance of ourselves will be better served.
Now that I have passed my third anniversary of surviving a catastrophic stroke and after hearing from some non stroke survivors like my estranged wife and like I've seen in the actions of a few others, they are tired of hearing about my stroke or stroke stuff in general.
I guess its time for me to put the stroke behind me regardless of ailments that remind me daily that I'm still recovering, like everyday when I wake and stagger to the washroom, not being able to wash my feet standing in the shower or put my socks on with ease or constant issues with vision, balance and feelings of maladroitness.
Initially, I promised myself and then yesterday, I promised my daughter that unless I was asked specifically about stroke related things that I would not mention it again.
Although my recovery journey continues and has progressed over the years this will be my last post for a while, until something stroke relevant is worthy of posting or unless someone asks a question of me.
I wish everyone a positive, determined journey and hopefully we can all fully regain our functions of the past. It is possible, I discovered ONE person who has fully recovered, it took her eight years...Dr. Jill Taylor, thank you for the hope and guidance. I'm off to the elliptical machine! Heart rate training and naps seem most beneficial.
You might think the most difficult times were hearing that last rites were offered to be given to you and that you couldn't breathe on your own. No that wasn't the most difficult. Reflecting on your compromised abilities to see and talk. No that wasn't the most difficult. Discovering that you couldn't stand or walk, swallow or eat for six weeks, no that wasn't the most difficult thing. Losing your job, family, friends or financial capabilities? No these weren't the most difficult either.
From my experience and that I hear from others, these things are very difficult but surprisingly enough, not the most difficult.
Being by yourself, doing things for yourself, depression, living in a world without compassionate people that don't understand what it's like in our heads and accepting life the way it is day to day has been revealing itself as most difficult for me and many other survivors I speak with.
Unless you have experienced an acquired brain injury (ABI) you will likely never know. I would not recommend continuing any lifestyle habits that promote ABI.
It would be a wonderful world if survivors had a guide (so to speak, even a dog at a basic level) to aid them day to day, but who can afford that at this stage of life when we can barely afford to support ourselves?
Even the most motivated of us survivors find ourselves in a fog and do things but we are not clear enough or knowledgeable enough to guide ourselves past our gains, this is where a guide could introduce new goals for us.
Maybe my future holds full recovery and I can find a way to guide or bring guidance to other motivated survivors on their journey?
As a survivor, I realize how hard life is day to day and that we don't have the choice to take a break from our stroke...I also realize how hard it is for others to be around us for any duration of time. I do believe that if one can get a break from stroke and the disability it's important to take it, I know we survivors DEFINITELY would!
We need people to understand that we want to quit the stroke, but, we require them to have more patience than us...they can and should take a break but that doesn't mean shutting it off or quitting it and us all together.
Many successful survivors I have met or read about have a common thread, they had someone there for them on a daily basis for years, not days, weeks or months, but years...it takes years for recovery, we didn't just break a bone or something we broke our brain.
I haven't met anyone who has had to do things completely on their own and although not impossible I don't recommend it.
If daily guidance can be obtained, I truly believe that the other things like depression and acceptance of ourselves will be better served.
Now that I have passed my third anniversary of surviving a catastrophic stroke and after hearing from some non stroke survivors like my estranged wife and like I've seen in the actions of a few others, they are tired of hearing about my stroke or stroke stuff in general.
I guess its time for me to put the stroke behind me regardless of ailments that remind me daily that I'm still recovering, like everyday when I wake and stagger to the washroom, not being able to wash my feet standing in the shower or put my socks on with ease or constant issues with vision, balance and feelings of maladroitness.
Initially, I promised myself and then yesterday, I promised my daughter that unless I was asked specifically about stroke related things that I would not mention it again.
Although my recovery journey continues and has progressed over the years this will be my last post for a while, until something stroke relevant is worthy of posting or unless someone asks a question of me.
I wish everyone a positive, determined journey and hopefully we can all fully regain our functions of the past. It is possible, I discovered ONE person who has fully recovered, it took her eight years...Dr. Jill Taylor, thank you for the hope and guidance. I'm off to the elliptical machine! Heart rate training and naps seem most beneficial.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Everything is rehabilitation
Over the last three years I have noticed that everything is rehabilitation.
Rehabilitation is hard work and includes getting up, showing, dressing, brushing teeth making breakfast, doing dishes, doing laundry, tying my shoes, remembering things from a minute ago...I hope you get the point. Things I once took for granted for being so easy now command my full attention and caution.
I have hope this statement will not be true forever.
Everything being rehabilitation means everything is excruciatingly hard to do. As time goes by I hope to get better to a point that doing everyday things like tying my shoes does not feel like rehab...I hope to always maintain the appreciation for having the ability to do what ever I can.
Ability, lack thereof and acquiring, both give me the motivation to do what I can, lately that motivation has been in competition with tiredness.
Being tired is not productive in any stage of life especially when trying to loose weight and reacquire abilities lost.
Living life and pushing through doing what we have to is very draining, it takes all the energy I can muster some days just to get out of bed. It takes even more energy to intertwine with others and keep ailments under wraps concealing them from others...I don't like revealing weaknesses...never have...not always a good logic but hey that's me and sometimes I wonder if that has not helped me reacquire things?
Rehabilitation is hard work and includes getting up, showing, dressing, brushing teeth making breakfast, doing dishes, doing laundry, tying my shoes, remembering things from a minute ago...I hope you get the point. Things I once took for granted for being so easy now command my full attention and caution.
I have hope this statement will not be true forever.
Everything being rehabilitation means everything is excruciatingly hard to do. As time goes by I hope to get better to a point that doing everyday things like tying my shoes does not feel like rehab...I hope to always maintain the appreciation for having the ability to do what ever I can.
Ability, lack thereof and acquiring, both give me the motivation to do what I can, lately that motivation has been in competition with tiredness.
Being tired is not productive in any stage of life especially when trying to loose weight and reacquire abilities lost.
Living life and pushing through doing what we have to is very draining, it takes all the energy I can muster some days just to get out of bed. It takes even more energy to intertwine with others and keep ailments under wraps concealing them from others...I don't like revealing weaknesses...never have...not always a good logic but hey that's me and sometimes I wonder if that has not helped me reacquire things?
Monday, March 28, 2011
Back on the horse
Thanks to my minor hockey team for a great season! I was at the head coach position for the first time since my stroke...I had taken a back seat these past few years as assistant and manager of teams. I don't skate yet due to vestibular damage in my brain affecting my balance, but I still coached...from the bench.
Years ago I crashed my motorcycle leaving the highway, broke my thumb, crushed my calf and road burn to my forearm but I lived and bought another motorcycle and rode again...I have always needed to prove to myself that I could do things again and these are two examples of my determination...I will ride yet again and hope to skate yet again.
My visit to the eye specialist revealed that I do have a problem with my right eye especially when looking to the right. Surgery and glasses were ruled out and they were happy that double vision only happens when I look to the right. Double vision was once present with I looked straight ahead and this would be the only reason to intervene...to correct straight ahead vision. In the meantime they say that my vision will likely be like this for the rest of my time, possibly slightly improved with usage of the right eye looking right. The constraint induced therapy was noted and dismissed as something that might help. I need to re wire my brain for vision with both eyes looking to the right.
The other notation was damage to my vestibular area of my brain. This area deals with balance and my balance is not good. They will recommend a vestibular therapist or specialist.
All things considered, vestibular damage, right eye vision and numbness in the right upper part of my body is minimal residual damage compared to most other survivors...I am thankful for what I have and to be able to go back on the horse.
Years ago I crashed my motorcycle leaving the highway, broke my thumb, crushed my calf and road burn to my forearm but I lived and bought another motorcycle and rode again...I have always needed to prove to myself that I could do things again and these are two examples of my determination...I will ride yet again and hope to skate yet again.
My visit to the eye specialist revealed that I do have a problem with my right eye especially when looking to the right. Surgery and glasses were ruled out and they were happy that double vision only happens when I look to the right. Double vision was once present with I looked straight ahead and this would be the only reason to intervene...to correct straight ahead vision. In the meantime they say that my vision will likely be like this for the rest of my time, possibly slightly improved with usage of the right eye looking right. The constraint induced therapy was noted and dismissed as something that might help. I need to re wire my brain for vision with both eyes looking to the right.
The other notation was damage to my vestibular area of my brain. This area deals with balance and my balance is not good. They will recommend a vestibular therapist or specialist.
All things considered, vestibular damage, right eye vision and numbness in the right upper part of my body is minimal residual damage compared to most other survivors...I am thankful for what I have and to be able to go back on the horse.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Fundraiser
Today marks my grandparents wedding anniversary, while they were alive they broke the 50 year mark together...I would be happy just to make the 50 year mark on the planet...period.
One month from today, April 10th, 2011 the group that I am president of, Hamilton Young Stroke Survivors will participate in a fundraiser with the March of Dimes, Walk and Roll.
Many other peer support chapters will be out this weekend doing the same thing.
You can find out more about this fundraiser and an easy way to donate to our group through the following link...
https://marchofdimes.akaraisin.com/Common/Event/Home.aspx?seid=3675&mid=8
remember to look for Hamilton Young Stroke Survivors in the Sponsor a Team tab. Please help us achieve our modest goal, anything above $10.00 will receive a tax receipt and will be tremendously appreciated.
One month from today, April 10th, 2011 the group that I am president of, Hamilton Young Stroke Survivors will participate in a fundraiser with the March of Dimes, Walk and Roll.
Many other peer support chapters will be out this weekend doing the same thing.
You can find out more about this fundraiser and an easy way to donate to our group through the following link...
https://marchofdimes.akaraisin.com/Common/Event/Home.aspx?seid=3675&mid=8
remember to look for Hamilton Young Stroke Survivors in the Sponsor a Team tab. Please help us achieve our modest goal, anything above $10.00 will receive a tax receipt and will be tremendously appreciated.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Times passes 1044 days post stoke, blogging 41 days
After some passage of time I see many people visiting this blog and even a follower, so I figure there is some interest in the things I put out here.
I would rather not say, "I will succeed" and succeed, then say, "I will succeed" and not.
With that philosophy it is hard to maintain an "I can do it" attitude, but time has proven it's better to believe and internalize the "I can do it" attitude, than it is to broad cast "I can do it", I try harder to convince myself that I can do it, rather then other people. In the long run this approach has been more helpful in many ways.
This also reminds me of being told that I will recover in a year and skate again. A year came and passed and I did not recover fully. I had been told I might never swallow again (a scary thought) but then I did nearly two months later and a woman I once met told me she was told she would never walk again yet she stood in front of me with her 12 year old daughter, she said she didn't listen to them, she had a will to walk again.
Moral of the story is that we should never be told that we will or will not succeed at something...time, effort, circumstances and personalities will ultimately dictate this.
Comments, suggestions or questions can be posted here or emailed to me at jeffwolfenden@hotmail.com
Good luck.
I would rather not say, "I will succeed" and succeed, then say, "I will succeed" and not.
With that philosophy it is hard to maintain an "I can do it" attitude, but time has proven it's better to believe and internalize the "I can do it" attitude, than it is to broad cast "I can do it", I try harder to convince myself that I can do it, rather then other people. In the long run this approach has been more helpful in many ways.
This also reminds me of being told that I will recover in a year and skate again. A year came and passed and I did not recover fully. I had been told I might never swallow again (a scary thought) but then I did nearly two months later and a woman I once met told me she was told she would never walk again yet she stood in front of me with her 12 year old daughter, she said she didn't listen to them, she had a will to walk again.
Moral of the story is that we should never be told that we will or will not succeed at something...time, effort, circumstances and personalities will ultimately dictate this.
Comments, suggestions or questions can be posted here or emailed to me at jeffwolfenden@hotmail.com
Good luck.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Peer Support Groups
In 2003, at the age of 36, I survived a heart attack and after a six week stint off of work and other things I decided it would be prudent for me to join a cardiac rehabilitation class so I joined and did the six month session.
During this time I found many benefits going to exercise regularly (3 times a week) and having trainers/therapists around, the group however was predominantly older people, the average age was likely around 70, they questioned me sometimes on why I was there, was I a "therapist" or was I there to "show off"?
My main objective was to exercise, to maintain a heart rate that was appropriate for me (the individuals age) (this was my introduction to heart rate training). Since I was much younger I was instructed to raise my heart rate higher than most others in the group, therefore I pushed faster on the equipment. I am not sure if my presence had a demoralizing effect on others (I hope not) or if I inspired them at all, I was just aware that I was out of place.
After the stroke, my main request had been to meet someone who has been here and done this and has bounced back. I wanted some reassurance things would be different than this initial dismal time post stroke. Even though doctors, nurses and therapists would reassure me that I would bounce back because of my age and physically fit condition, it was hard to believe considering how I felt.
One of my therapists, Elizabeth, handed me a brochure for a Peel / Halton Young Stroke Survivor (PHYSS) group on my way out of the hospital on discharge day. She knew of my experience with the cardiac rehabilitation and knew I would engage in a support group and knew that I would be more comfortable surrounded by younger people with other common interests like returning to parenting, work etc.
Six months later, I was in a little better condition and decided it was time to go to a support group. After a few meetings with younger stroke survivors I remember being a little disappointed in not meeting a fully recovered survivor, but, quickly I became appreciative of where my condition was, I could speak and get around with a cane unlike many other survivors. Although I'm not fully recovered maybe I could be to others what I was looking for myself?
I became co-chair (vice president) of this group, one of the other volunteers called me a "reluctant" volunteer. I live nearly an hour away by car and did not want to commit.
Knowing my interests in the group, the March of Dimes who help get these groups established encouraged me to form one in my area, Hamilton, Ontario. So with the help of the Ontario March of Dimes I did form a group in the summer of 2010 and I am the currently residing chair or president.
The Hamilton Young Stroke Survivor (HYSS) group meets the first Wednesday of each month at 1579 Main Street West, Hamilton, Ontario 2nd floor - the west entrance of the building gives quicker access and an elevator should it be needed. The time of the meetings are from 6:30pm to 8:30pm to accommodate people (survivors/caregivers) who have day job. Usually we alternate meetings to include a speaker and then the next to be more of a social meeting. This Wednesday the meeting will have a speaker on income tax preparation...it 'tis the season.
Unfortunately my minor hockey coaching obligations have me coaching hockey games on Wednesdays so I have been unable to attend group meetings. I have been attending executive meetings and will commence attending group meetings next month, April.
The group has other very capable volunteers and will continue with or without me...that's what I was hoping for.
During this time I found many benefits going to exercise regularly (3 times a week) and having trainers/therapists around, the group however was predominantly older people, the average age was likely around 70, they questioned me sometimes on why I was there, was I a "therapist" or was I there to "show off"?
My main objective was to exercise, to maintain a heart rate that was appropriate for me (the individuals age) (this was my introduction to heart rate training). Since I was much younger I was instructed to raise my heart rate higher than most others in the group, therefore I pushed faster on the equipment. I am not sure if my presence had a demoralizing effect on others (I hope not) or if I inspired them at all, I was just aware that I was out of place.
After the stroke, my main request had been to meet someone who has been here and done this and has bounced back. I wanted some reassurance things would be different than this initial dismal time post stroke. Even though doctors, nurses and therapists would reassure me that I would bounce back because of my age and physically fit condition, it was hard to believe considering how I felt.
One of my therapists, Elizabeth, handed me a brochure for a Peel / Halton Young Stroke Survivor (PHYSS) group on my way out of the hospital on discharge day. She knew of my experience with the cardiac rehabilitation and knew I would engage in a support group and knew that I would be more comfortable surrounded by younger people with other common interests like returning to parenting, work etc.
Six months later, I was in a little better condition and decided it was time to go to a support group. After a few meetings with younger stroke survivors I remember being a little disappointed in not meeting a fully recovered survivor, but, quickly I became appreciative of where my condition was, I could speak and get around with a cane unlike many other survivors. Although I'm not fully recovered maybe I could be to others what I was looking for myself?
I became co-chair (vice president) of this group, one of the other volunteers called me a "reluctant" volunteer. I live nearly an hour away by car and did not want to commit.
Knowing my interests in the group, the March of Dimes who help get these groups established encouraged me to form one in my area, Hamilton, Ontario. So with the help of the Ontario March of Dimes I did form a group in the summer of 2010 and I am the currently residing chair or president.
The Hamilton Young Stroke Survivor (HYSS) group meets the first Wednesday of each month at 1579 Main Street West, Hamilton, Ontario 2nd floor - the west entrance of the building gives quicker access and an elevator should it be needed. The time of the meetings are from 6:30pm to 8:30pm to accommodate people (survivors/caregivers) who have day job. Usually we alternate meetings to include a speaker and then the next to be more of a social meeting. This Wednesday the meeting will have a speaker on income tax preparation...it 'tis the season.
Unfortunately my minor hockey coaching obligations have me coaching hockey games on Wednesdays so I have been unable to attend group meetings. I have been attending executive meetings and will commence attending group meetings next month, April.
The group has other very capable volunteers and will continue with or without me...that's what I was hoping for.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Encouragement
I can say that my life has revealed that encouragement beats criticism.
During formidable years of our lives whether beginning as children or beginning again post stroke, authentic encouragement has always been welcome and needed.
It has been hard throughout my life and unfortunately I encountered more people who are willing to voice their criticism than those who voice their encouragement.
This has taught me to choose to display my encouragement more than anything else.
Maybe the old expression "if you don't have anything good to say don't say anything at all" rang a little too strong in my life and sitting on our hands or biting our tongues isn't necessarily the thing to do either.
In hindsight things should be said at times rather than suppressing them, but if the things to be said are not good then getting the point out in a productive insightful fashion is still advisable.
Unfortunately I seem to see people suppress encouragement more than criticism...too bad, why can't it be the other way around? Is it the squeaky wheel gets the grease analogy? As my friend pointed out the squeaky wheel gets replaced...lets hope it does.
A Dalai Lama once said, At the best we should help others. At the least, we should not harm them.
This said, encouragement helps all of us, whether recovering or just living.
Encouragement reinforces us, it helps us continue. If this blog helps anyone let me know, for now I am running out of things to post.
I continue to hope for full recovery...after eight years post stroke, I might resign myself to where I am at that point but for now, I near the three year mark and I maintain the hope that I can come back all the way!
During formidable years of our lives whether beginning as children or beginning again post stroke, authentic encouragement has always been welcome and needed.
It has been hard throughout my life and unfortunately I encountered more people who are willing to voice their criticism than those who voice their encouragement.
This has taught me to choose to display my encouragement more than anything else.
Maybe the old expression "if you don't have anything good to say don't say anything at all" rang a little too strong in my life and sitting on our hands or biting our tongues isn't necessarily the thing to do either.
In hindsight things should be said at times rather than suppressing them, but if the things to be said are not good then getting the point out in a productive insightful fashion is still advisable.
Unfortunately I seem to see people suppress encouragement more than criticism...too bad, why can't it be the other way around? Is it the squeaky wheel gets the grease analogy? As my friend pointed out the squeaky wheel gets replaced...lets hope it does.
A Dalai Lama once said, At the best we should help others. At the least, we should not harm them.
This said, encouragement helps all of us, whether recovering or just living.
Encouragement reinforces us, it helps us continue. If this blog helps anyone let me know, for now I am running out of things to post.
I continue to hope for full recovery...after eight years post stroke, I might resign myself to where I am at that point but for now, I near the three year mark and I maintain the hope that I can come back all the way!
Discoloured and swelling
My ankles seem to swell and get discoloured over the last three years especially after being on my feet for a long time and walking for a long time.
When I was in the hospital the swelling in my ankles had the staff put nylons on my legs. What a pretty sight! NOT!
I don't wear nylons anymore nor do I want to!
I do notice that the swelling and red blood like freckles appear sometimes under the socks/short socks I wear with my jogging shoes. I think it has something to do with the medicines, time on my feet and even the socks since there is a definitive line where my short socks end.
My father has commented a few times on the redness of my neck. His latest comment was the lights from the television interview sunburned my neck...I let him know my neck has been that way since the stroke and there were no lights during the interview.
When I was in the hospital the swelling in my ankles had the staff put nylons on my legs. What a pretty sight! NOT!
I do notice that the swelling and red blood like freckles appear sometimes under the socks/short socks I wear with my jogging shoes. I think it has something to do with the medicines, time on my feet and even the socks since there is a definitive line where my short socks end.
My father has commented a few times on the redness of my neck. His latest comment was the lights from the television interview sunburned my neck...I let him know my neck has been that way since the stroke and there were no lights during the interview.
Yes Man
The movie "Yes Man" with Jim Carrey and the motivational speaker Tony Robbins convey a great message about saying "Yes" to opportunities. Although we need to use discretion and educated opinions when opportunities arise, we need to realize that we are all conditioned to stay in our comfort zone and say "no" to opportunities, like when a sales representative in a store asks if they can help us our initial response is usually "no".
In a past experience after playing a game of hockey the team went to the local bar for a beer. As we all sat around the table our friend Dave informed us he was renting a 4 seat airplane the next day and asked if any of us were interested in going. As he went around the table asking 12 of us, one by one including myself we all said "no". Later that night at home I questioned myself what better thing was I doing to reject the offer...I came up with nothing so I called Dave and asked if the offer was still open and he said yes. This experience was beautifully enriching, I went up with Dave a half a dozen times just after this and enjoyed each time more than the one before. My friend Dave unfortunately died at the age of 42 but I cherish these memories with him and I am so glad I said "Yes". Dave remains influential in my life, he was someone who said "Yes" to most ever opportunity that came his way and at his funeral many people could be heard saying they wished they could experience half as much as Dave did in his 42 years...they thought it would be a hard thing even with a full 80 years.
In a past experience after playing a game of hockey the team went to the local bar for a beer. As we all sat around the table our friend Dave informed us he was renting a 4 seat airplane the next day and asked if any of us were interested in going. As he went around the table asking 12 of us, one by one including myself we all said "no". Later that night at home I questioned myself what better thing was I doing to reject the offer...I came up with nothing so I called Dave and asked if the offer was still open and he said yes. This experience was beautifully enriching, I went up with Dave a half a dozen times just after this and enjoyed each time more than the one before. My friend Dave unfortunately died at the age of 42 but I cherish these memories with him and I am so glad I said "Yes". Dave remains influential in my life, he was someone who said "Yes" to most ever opportunity that came his way and at his funeral many people could be heard saying they wished they could experience half as much as Dave did in his 42 years...they thought it would be a hard thing even with a full 80 years.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Irritability
Since surviving the stroke I have noticed my tolerance level has decreased, my filter has shortened. I get irritated.
I also notice that I suffer ignorance lightly, again I get irritated.
Many things I have read seem to indicate that irritability is normal, as is depression and headaches. This doesn't make it any easier to deal with although it gives me some comfort to know its normal.
Mental comfort has become something missing from survivors of heart attacks, strokes, cancers and I'm sure many other things. After surviving a heart attack it was the initial few years that my mind was preoccupied with the question of when is it going to happen again? I can say that it has been on my mind since surviving the stroke too and I have heard the same concerns from some cancer survivors I know.
Overall living life and dealing with the issue of the day has been the answer to the haunting questions of my mortality, if I live life, appreciate the awesome things in it and take care of myself to the best of my ability then I've done what I can to avoid future events like my past ones.
I also notice that I suffer ignorance lightly, again I get irritated.
Many things I have read seem to indicate that irritability is normal, as is depression and headaches. This doesn't make it any easier to deal with although it gives me some comfort to know its normal.
Mental comfort has become something missing from survivors of heart attacks, strokes, cancers and I'm sure many other things. After surviving a heart attack it was the initial few years that my mind was preoccupied with the question of when is it going to happen again? I can say that it has been on my mind since surviving the stroke too and I have heard the same concerns from some cancer survivors I know.
Overall living life and dealing with the issue of the day has been the answer to the haunting questions of my mortality, if I live life, appreciate the awesome things in it and take care of myself to the best of my ability then I've done what I can to avoid future events like my past ones.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Experiencing the first time like a three year old
Since the stroke I notice that sometimes, especially watching movies I've seen before, that I seem to experience them like it was the first time, like a three year old.
I know a huge part of this is the impact the stroke has had on my emotions.
In the TED talk about the book 1000 Awesome things, Neil, the author comments about three year old kids experiencing things for the first time seeing things for the first time. Having a sense of awareness. My awareness for specific things is not good, like noticing crumbs on the floor. My vision is responsible for this. But my sense of awareness of compassion in the world and lack thereof has been heightened.
Having my awareness askew can also be viewed as getting a "do over". Like in the movie City Slickers they comment about life taking a turn and their case a turn away from some bad things and getting a "do over" like we do when we are kids, or on the golf course getting a mulligan. Having a bad outing and getting to start over again.
The beauty of my situation is that I get the experience from the past together with a fresh slate for the future and although I could be bitter and jaded by the past, I think I view the past as more of a gauge, a point of reference, some things just remind me of how I don't want life to be. Not to say that I never feel biter or jaded because I do, I just know to let it run it's course and not my every moment.
The old saying I wish I knew then what I know now comes to mind. The situation has made now seem like then, but today I retain the knowledge of now...does that make any sense? Even to those of us that have not had brain damage?
In some ways the brain damage along with my choices help me when thinking about things. I choose to exert energy on good things in life and chose to let the negative things run their course but not my life.
I know a huge part of this is the impact the stroke has had on my emotions.
In the TED talk about the book 1000 Awesome things, Neil, the author comments about three year old kids experiencing things for the first time seeing things for the first time. Having a sense of awareness. My awareness for specific things is not good, like noticing crumbs on the floor. My vision is responsible for this. But my sense of awareness of compassion in the world and lack thereof has been heightened.
Having my awareness askew can also be viewed as getting a "do over". Like in the movie City Slickers they comment about life taking a turn and their case a turn away from some bad things and getting a "do over" like we do when we are kids, or on the golf course getting a mulligan. Having a bad outing and getting to start over again.
The beauty of my situation is that I get the experience from the past together with a fresh slate for the future and although I could be bitter and jaded by the past, I think I view the past as more of a gauge, a point of reference, some things just remind me of how I don't want life to be. Not to say that I never feel biter or jaded because I do, I just know to let it run it's course and not my every moment.
The old saying I wish I knew then what I know now comes to mind. The situation has made now seem like then, but today I retain the knowledge of now...does that make any sense? Even to those of us that have not had brain damage?
In some ways the brain damage along with my choices help me when thinking about things. I choose to exert energy on good things in life and chose to let the negative things run their course but not my life.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Dreams
I have read some material that suggests our ability to imagine and dream help keep the brain alive so when we become physically capable again we will have the mental abilities to intertwine with the physical enabling us to recapture the abilities that were lost.
My dreams for the past nearly three years have been depressing due to the fact that I have been dreaming dreams with me being fully capable, skating with ease, running, walking doing things without the presence of disability and then I wake to my reality and stagger to the bathroom with my poor balance and become painfully aware that I am not free of ailments as I was seconds earlier in my dreams. I have consoled myself with the knowledge that maybe someday I will come back to the land of no ailments, if I dream it then the possibilities are still firing in my brain.
Over the last two weeks I have started to notice that in my dreams I am unbalanced, I could not easily climb over a box, balance, right eye vision and extra weight was getting in my way. I woke to be depressed for another reason, are my possibilities of full recovery disappearing with my inability to dream of no disabilities?
Up until now I could escape the world of disability by going to sleep where I would not feel my ailments and even feel what it's like to be fully able. Now I can still escape with sleep although disability is creeping into that world.
I have met another survivor who claims she has been unable to dream since surviving her stroke nearly 15 years ago...I remind myself that things could be worse.
My dreams for the past nearly three years have been depressing due to the fact that I have been dreaming dreams with me being fully capable, skating with ease, running, walking doing things without the presence of disability and then I wake to my reality and stagger to the bathroom with my poor balance and become painfully aware that I am not free of ailments as I was seconds earlier in my dreams. I have consoled myself with the knowledge that maybe someday I will come back to the land of no ailments, if I dream it then the possibilities are still firing in my brain.
Over the last two weeks I have started to notice that in my dreams I am unbalanced, I could not easily climb over a box, balance, right eye vision and extra weight was getting in my way. I woke to be depressed for another reason, are my possibilities of full recovery disappearing with my inability to dream of no disabilities?
Up until now I could escape the world of disability by going to sleep where I would not feel my ailments and even feel what it's like to be fully able. Now I can still escape with sleep although disability is creeping into that world.
I have met another survivor who claims she has been unable to dream since surviving her stroke nearly 15 years ago...I remind myself that things could be worse.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Owning the moment
In my eleventh year coaching minor hockey I noticed yet another relationship between the game and life.
My pregame talk was about owning the piece of ice your position is responsible for in each end of the rink and the other coaches reminded me one period at a time, I say one shift at a time.
I am reminded that is how life is, we don't have to be the best we just need to try our hardest and own the piece of life we are living...one minute, one task at a time.
Effort and believe has been another previous hockey talk that relates to everyday life and owning the moment. Without effort and belief (positive attitude) I would still be in a wheelchair and unable to swallow.
As in hockey and other things in life, if we believe we will fail and do not put out some effort than we will not succeed. If we put in some effort and we have a belief in possibilities of success than anything is possible.
When I was five years old I was trying to break boards with a karate chop and continuously failing, my five year old brain did not believe I could break it. After an hour of trying and failing, an old Chinese guy told me to repeat,"I can do it, I can do it, I can do it" and giving all my effort I swung my best karate chop and to my surprise I broke it! Since this time I have always tried to keep a positive attitude and when I coach I have always hoped that I could sway others from being their worse enemy...a defeatist attitude.
Today I celebrate my 44th birthday and never thought I would make it! I am thrilled to be here to explore the awesome things life has to offer. It is up to us, there are many things we can complain about and many things we can find awesome, we need to own the moment and choose to see the things that make us and others feel better.
My pregame talk was about owning the piece of ice your position is responsible for in each end of the rink and the other coaches reminded me one period at a time, I say one shift at a time.
I am reminded that is how life is, we don't have to be the best we just need to try our hardest and own the piece of life we are living...one minute, one task at a time.
Effort and believe has been another previous hockey talk that relates to everyday life and owning the moment. Without effort and belief (positive attitude) I would still be in a wheelchair and unable to swallow.
As in hockey and other things in life, if we believe we will fail and do not put out some effort than we will not succeed. If we put in some effort and we have a belief in possibilities of success than anything is possible.
When I was five years old I was trying to break boards with a karate chop and continuously failing, my five year old brain did not believe I could break it. After an hour of trying and failing, an old Chinese guy told me to repeat,"I can do it, I can do it, I can do it" and giving all my effort I swung my best karate chop and to my surprise I broke it! Since this time I have always tried to keep a positive attitude and when I coach I have always hoped that I could sway others from being their worse enemy...a defeatist attitude.
Today I celebrate my 44th birthday and never thought I would make it! I am thrilled to be here to explore the awesome things life has to offer. It is up to us, there are many things we can complain about and many things we can find awesome, we need to own the moment and choose to see the things that make us and others feel better.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Memory
Once upon a time when I forgot something especially in the middle of a conversation I would state I had a brain fart. As we age I have heard elderly people state they had a seniors moment. Now post stroke I state I had a stroke moment...or I'm having a stroke moment.
It's alarming how many times this happens to me now. I realize that I need to focus more now than ever and try to get to the point without branching off into other directions...this is challenging for me...those who know me understand this well.
A resent example that stands out for me happened at the first hockey practice I coached this year. Since I don't skate yet the players come to me at the bench and I draft up the drill on a dry erase board. Prior to doing this I made a mental note that I needed to tell the players to stay onside while doing the drill. The drill had a give and go coming out of our zone and then back over the blue line into the now offensive zone. I drafted it out and they all got it although I knew I had one last point to convey prior to sending them out to do it...a stroke moment. Out they went, I watched the drill and them consistently go over the blue line before the puck (going offside) then I remembered "ah ya, don't go offside" too late at that point, not having a strong voice yet and not being on the ice to utter the verbal correction, the drill went on. I don't like to practice bad habits.
Another example of this happens a lot with names, I see someone and have known them for years, they say Hi and I say Hi and battle my brain for their name...usually 12 to 14 hours later I remember, not that it helps then.
After reading the Walter Gretzky book and noting he had daily to do lists...quite comprehensive in the beginning and I assume it got shorter, like mine. I still make many to do lists, not just a grocery list but lists of things I need to do. I joked with my mother that it was my memory list...I still do it and with technology I can do it on my cell phone to take with me. My lists get shorter and sometimes I don't have to make them but a pad of paper still sits on my living room table and I do use it to remind myself of things...things to do, things to buy, things to say, things of importance that I will likely forget later. My father makes the big mistake making his list or should I say lists, too many of them in too many different places and then forgets where the lists are. Time goes by and I sense my memory is getting better...likely by using and challenging it.
It's alarming how many times this happens to me now. I realize that I need to focus more now than ever and try to get to the point without branching off into other directions...this is challenging for me...those who know me understand this well.
A resent example that stands out for me happened at the first hockey practice I coached this year. Since I don't skate yet the players come to me at the bench and I draft up the drill on a dry erase board. Prior to doing this I made a mental note that I needed to tell the players to stay onside while doing the drill. The drill had a give and go coming out of our zone and then back over the blue line into the now offensive zone. I drafted it out and they all got it although I knew I had one last point to convey prior to sending them out to do it...a stroke moment. Out they went, I watched the drill and them consistently go over the blue line before the puck (going offside) then I remembered "ah ya, don't go offside" too late at that point, not having a strong voice yet and not being on the ice to utter the verbal correction, the drill went on. I don't like to practice bad habits.
Another example of this happens a lot with names, I see someone and have known them for years, they say Hi and I say Hi and battle my brain for their name...usually 12 to 14 hours later I remember, not that it helps then.
After reading the Walter Gretzky book and noting he had daily to do lists...quite comprehensive in the beginning and I assume it got shorter, like mine. I still make many to do lists, not just a grocery list but lists of things I need to do. I joked with my mother that it was my memory list...I still do it and with technology I can do it on my cell phone to take with me. My lists get shorter and sometimes I don't have to make them but a pad of paper still sits on my living room table and I do use it to remind myself of things...things to do, things to buy, things to say, things of importance that I will likely forget later. My father makes the big mistake making his list or should I say lists, too many of them in too many different places and then forgets where the lists are. Time goes by and I sense my memory is getting better...likely by using and challenging it.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Numbness...how to eliminate?
Over time I have learned many things and actions I can take to improve things, like learning and napping.
Constraint induced therapy, restricting my good eye making the bad one do work.
Walking, looking up, looking left and right and even doing 360 degree turns to challenge balance, practice things in general. Find the weakness and challenge it to the limit and then push it some more...safely.
Six months ago I went to the dentist, he needed to drill and fill a tooth on the right upper back side of my mouth. He injected freezing into that side and went away for ten minutes. When he came back he asked "is it frozen yet?" I said, "I'm not sure my mouth has felt this way since the stroke". So has my right arm and the rest of the right side of my head. He took xrays to make sure I did not had an unnoticed cavity. I was cavity free!
So I will continue to incorporate things into my life that I have learned that might partially be responsible for regaining abilities.
I know a big factor is to find a rhythm incorporating things in my life...things like walks, meditation, napping, exercising the brain and other things...it sure would be helpful to have a full time therapist or trainer...who can afford this? Especially at this time in life without a means to pay for it.
One of my current searches is for information regarding removing the numbness from the body. If you know anything please make a comment.
Constraint induced therapy, restricting my good eye making the bad one do work.
Walking, looking up, looking left and right and even doing 360 degree turns to challenge balance, practice things in general. Find the weakness and challenge it to the limit and then push it some more...safely.
Six months ago I went to the dentist, he needed to drill and fill a tooth on the right upper back side of my mouth. He injected freezing into that side and went away for ten minutes. When he came back he asked "is it frozen yet?" I said, "I'm not sure my mouth has felt this way since the stroke". So has my right arm and the rest of the right side of my head. He took xrays to make sure I did not had an unnoticed cavity. I was cavity free!
So I will continue to incorporate things into my life that I have learned that might partially be responsible for regaining abilities.
I know a big factor is to find a rhythm incorporating things in my life...things like walks, meditation, napping, exercising the brain and other things...it sure would be helpful to have a full time therapist or trainer...who can afford this? Especially at this time in life without a means to pay for it.
One of my current searches is for information regarding removing the numbness from the body. If you know anything please make a comment.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Hardships = Appreciation
OK the reality is that sometimes hardships do equal bitterness but we still have a choice in our perception. It was pointed out in the 1000 Awesome Things TED talk.
Buying into bitterness hasn't ever snowballed into anything good for me.
Trying to maintain a positive outlook also becomes more difficult if we remain bitter, being positive is the better option than being negative.
Dr. Jill Taylor stated in her book that our brains will run a loop of emotion and its up to us to let the loop run its course but then its also up to us to move on after the cycle of the loop...she claimed these brain cycles lasted for ninety seconds...so along the theory we once heard "count to ten", we need to do that just a little longer. She claims its important to let it runs it course but understand that we have to stop it after a point and move on, get into a cycle of good things. (a survivor I met online stated that a requirement for others to be his friend is to read this book, My Stroke of Insight, as time goes by, I'm agreeing with this, I keep re-reading this book and find it abundantly informative for all people).
I wonder sometimes what makes me see the cup as half full when so much gets emptied? I really can't answer that question without saying that when I think of the cup as half empty and carry a negative attitude it just doesn't make me feel too good and ultimately I know that if we think negatively it can be a self fulfilling prophecy.
The other perspective is to view what we have, what we can do, more than dwelling on what we don't have or what we can't do, again the later thinking doesn't leave me feeling too good.
The old saying that goes something like you don't know what you have until it's gone also relates to hardships equalling appreciation. When you can't swallow, walk, stand to pee, talk or see very well and regain the ability to do these things that are missing for a good period of time you tend to appreciate being able to do them again. This is especially true if you were told that you would never eat again or walk again and really embraced the idea of life like this...when we regain, when the hardship isn't so hard anymore then a smile breaks on my face.
Buying into bitterness hasn't ever snowballed into anything good for me.
Trying to maintain a positive outlook also becomes more difficult if we remain bitter, being positive is the better option than being negative.
Dr. Jill Taylor stated in her book that our brains will run a loop of emotion and its up to us to let the loop run its course but then its also up to us to move on after the cycle of the loop...she claimed these brain cycles lasted for ninety seconds...so along the theory we once heard "count to ten", we need to do that just a little longer. She claims its important to let it runs it course but understand that we have to stop it after a point and move on, get into a cycle of good things. (a survivor I met online stated that a requirement for others to be his friend is to read this book, My Stroke of Insight, as time goes by, I'm agreeing with this, I keep re-reading this book and find it abundantly informative for all people).
I wonder sometimes what makes me see the cup as half full when so much gets emptied? I really can't answer that question without saying that when I think of the cup as half empty and carry a negative attitude it just doesn't make me feel too good and ultimately I know that if we think negatively it can be a self fulfilling prophecy.
The other perspective is to view what we have, what we can do, more than dwelling on what we don't have or what we can't do, again the later thinking doesn't leave me feeling too good.
The old saying that goes something like you don't know what you have until it's gone also relates to hardships equalling appreciation. When you can't swallow, walk, stand to pee, talk or see very well and regain the ability to do these things that are missing for a good period of time you tend to appreciate being able to do them again. This is especially true if you were told that you would never eat again or walk again and really embraced the idea of life like this...when we regain, when the hardship isn't so hard anymore then a smile breaks on my face.
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